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Junctures

 This has been interesting summer,

 to say the least....

Recovering from corrective toe surgery (a type of surgery I will never do again!)

Adjusting to one income... yes, I quit my job!

Going to Dollywood  (It's a real theme park!)

Transitioning to a one-car family... we go everywhere... TOGETHER!

Emergency surgery for hubby's detached retina... fun!
     
and being a mom.


We have survived our summer and are adjusting to the changes that have flooded our lives these past few months and I am getting used to the idea of being  "just a mom".  I know in my head that motherhood is the most important thing I will ever do.  But detaching myself from my identity as a teacher, a good teacher, a mentor teacher/teacher trainer, has been one of the most difficult things I have done in a long while.  Maybe not physically or mentally ... but emotionally and spiritually.  I think I have always had a fear of being overlooked, forgotten, or left behind.  I gained immense validation from my job that kept those fears at a comfortable distance.  I could have kept up the crazy pace that was our life, but in the back of my mind, I could feel the surging phrase... " It's time to stop."  bubbling to the surface of my daily reality.  I could not find the courage on my own... 'cuz I am a poor listener (and often think I can do everything) and don't obey the whispers of God as readily as I should.    It was the eyes of my two boys, and their need to be loved patiently and enjoyed primarily, that God used as the voice/tool strong enough to pry me away from my life as a teacher.


Look at them... can't handle the cuteness!
These boys...❤


The change has been so necessary, welcomed in some ways (thank... Lord... I don't have to get up at o'dark thirty anymore.) In other ways it has been unnerving...  "Who will be my validation brigade?  Who will tell me I am doing an awesome job?   Who will tell me I am skilled and inspiring..."   I love teaching, and I love the sense of worth that comes with it... in addition to decorating my classroom  (polka dots, pinstripes, coordinated book bins, and bulletin boards... YIPEE!), teaching kids how to read and write (which is AWESOME!)... and planning a lesson that breaks open the world to little learners ('cuz that is almost as awesome as teaching them to read!).

Love my classroom!
Junctures, big junctures in life remind me that I am a ragamuffin. I don't ease into new transitions... God transitions...  with shining levels of obedience, confidence, understanding, or surrender.   Big junctures in life are revealing moments for me. Moments where my shabby dealings with reality as a believer and the poor quality of my conditioned response lead to difficult times.  My failures trying to follow God's direction drive me back to my Savior's arms.   In these moments, I am reminded that He knows me, holds me, exhorts me, forgives me, and moves me on to the life He has chosen for me.   The life my rational mind (if you can call it that) is afraid of, but the life my heart and soul long for... in Jesus.  (Jude 1:24 & 2 Timothy 2:13)


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